in the dark, in the middle of these long nights, sleeping next to Andy, they look so much alike. i watch them sleep and breathe till i can’t anymore. he is one of the most affectionate babies i have ever known. he is generous with his kisses; he snuggles close. after he’s finished nursing i stand him up for a burp. he often takes my face in his hands and looks into my eyes and then kisses my cheek. a hearty thanks.
one of our favorite books while he was growing inside of me was called We Have a Baby by Cathryn Falwell. the mama and papa and big sister have a baby to wash and hold and feed and love. they have a baby who loves them. and what a revelation this has been for me. this boy loves us. we make him so happy.
it feels like i don’t talk about him much. part of that’s because it’s so hard to take a picture of him that really looks like him. as soon as he sees the camera, all he wants to do is get his hands on it. so we have many, many blurry pictures of Nicolas. and part of it is that he’s just beginning to enter the world of language. if i ask if he wants to nurse, he’ll smile and grunt and move toward me. there will be stories to tell, but for now we are touch (his hand on my skin) and smell (his fuzzy head) and gap-tooth smiles (four teeth this one has!).