Do you know Alfie Kohn?  Punished by Rewards?   I’m not a fan.  While I do agree that carrots are often just a friendlier version of a stick, I think rewards or treats have their place in creating a life marked by ease and grace.  It’s usually not helpful to reward myself for a good homeschooling day by having another beer.  But it’s altogether life-giving to have a treat–something that I really like at just the right time.  It’s a way of honoring what I notice, enjoying what I love, making a tiny bit of space for me in the daily round.

Here’s my list.  I hope to keep adding to it!

• Practice hand lettering.
• Do a bit of embroidery.
• Or gluebooking!
• Walk outside
• Diffuse essential oils.  Blood orange or Lavender and Peppermint.
• A fresh bar of oatmeal soap.
• Organize the Playmobil.  All the swords in the sword spot!
• Sharpen pencils.
• Read before bed.  These moments especially seem stolen.
• Read a poem.  Rich language and images you can tuck in your pocket.
• Draw.
• Watch Alma Stoller videos.
• Remember the Sabbath.
• Read blogs…and click through to comment!
• Listen to Pray-As-You-Go.
• Make a homemade pumpkin spice latte
• Put clean sheets on the bed.
• Freshen the learning spaces.
• Clear the decks.

Even though some of these things are downright chore-ish, I like them.  Or I like having done them.  I like making the space come alive with the possible.

The trick with treats is the actually enjoy them, to stop and savor.  To remember what went right and celebrate it.  I challenge you to make your own.  It’s pretty hard actually!  But I’d love to see what you come up with!

Yesterday I mentioned Julie Bogart from Brave Writer.  She says that when you come to a sticking point–when the math facts have flown out of the child’s head or the client has changed the deadline–adding brownies always helps!  And I really think she’s on to something.

So often I resist these sorts of help in the name of rigor.  Education is serious business and these kids need to buckle down and apply themselves.  But what about abandoning rigor in favor of delight and nourishment.  What about finding ways to do the work for the long haul?  Here are a few more things that I find have helped…besides brownies.

Ritual

Every day when I wrote a novel during National Novel Writing Month (starting soon!  Are you writing this year?), I put on a wine colored silk scarf.  It was a sign to myself that it was time to sit down and get to work on the novel.  It was also a sign to my husband that I was otherwise occupied.  What little sign could you use to show you were working?

Candles

It’s still dark when I begin my working hours.  But every morning I turn on the twinkle lights and then light a fat, pumpkin candle.  It’s just a little bit of beauty that helps me get my work done.

Music

There’s nothing like music to change the mood of our homeschool.  If we need to lighten things up, we’ve been listening to Elizabeth Mitchell’s Turn, Turn, Turn album. One, two, three…we’re feeling better already.  Go take a listen!

Outside/Out & About

When all else fails, we take the show on the road.  Even just a walk around the long block to our favorite balancing log makes things better.  Fresh air and a change of scene work their magic on grumpy kids and mamas alike.  And VAs!  For the price of a latte, I can go to the cafe and use their good light and wifi to do my work.  And they might even have brownies!

If you’re going to do this work for any length of time, you’ll need to find mentors.  Community is important, but you need to learn from people who are a few steps farther along the road, people who can see around the bend.  These are some of my favorites.  I tend to gravitate toward the creatives more than the strictly business sector; they speak my love language…and like to make things pretty!

The Bootstrap VA

Ok, not a mentor, but a mentoring book!  There’s not another like it on the market.  Lisa’s voice is clear; her experience wide. The book is both practical and inspiring.  She goes out of her way to feature the voices and experiences of other women doing this work.  If anything I’ve written about makes you think that being a VA might be a good fit for you and your family, get this book!

Amy Lynn Andrews

She publishes the best email tip sheet around.  Her (free!) Useletter comes out on Saturdays and is jam packed with all the best insider tips for blogging, apps, and social media.  In a world of hype, her post on making money blogging is reliable.  It’s how I first heard of the Bootstrap VA!  And Amy homeschools her kids and has worked as a VA herself.  What’s not to love?

Right-Brain Business Planning

Jenn’s intuitive approach–that accesses your creative side and helps to quiet the judging mind–is paired with really solid advice.  That’s a picture of my business plan up there!  It’s all washi tape and collage and helped me to get clear on my values.

And a few more…

The Brilliant Business Moms Podcast

Love Being Boss Podcast

And a new (free!) email course from Crystal Paine